This is MY damned Hell. An excluded place where the beauty of it would drive angels to insanity. I am a strange- but, oddly enough, not- in comparison- young woman.
My personality is like:
I am of a solitary nature, purposely excluding myself from society, as I prefer to work behind the scenes, in the shadows, manipulating it all.
I am a very complex and contradictory character. In general, I am perceptive, secretive, persistent, strategic, and stubborn. And to strangers I am mysterious, misunderstood, enigmatic, willful, withdrawn, manipulative, silent, apathetic, indifferent, aloof, and in contempt. To those I love I am loyal, loving, generous, quiet, outgoing, mostly respectful, understanding, and try to perfect their lives in any way possible. But to those I hate, crossed me, and/ or have hurt me, I am vengeful, cunning, patient, resentful, unmerciful, venomous and malicious.
I am obsessed with:
Fire, Phoenixes, Dragons, scales, feathers, wings, flight, freedom, cages, astrology, Twilight, time, insanity and many other things.
My astrology is:
I am a Virgo Sun with a Cancer Moon and a Scorpio Ascendant. The Scorpio in me comes out rather nicely.
My humor is:
I have a dark, bitter, sarcastic, sardonic humor. And I pretend to hate everyone. The thing is, I believe I know it all. But, you see, I DO- as much I will ever need to. I is not vanity. No. It is arrogance and pride.
I have suffered much pain in this world but I am not oblivious to others' trials. In fact, I am more aware of them than most. My character allows me- a dreadful gift it is- to see right through other people. I cannot be lied to because I already know the truth. I hate that. Ingénue naivety, evanescent.
In activities I am interested in:
Drawing, reading, writing, horse- back riding, falconry, driving, and horse and predator training.
I look like:
I have long bronze- honey- copper- liver brown- gold- pale gold- auburn- brunette hair. I have grayish- olive green eyes rimmed with forest and with flecks of emerald and golden brown. I am heavyset but with large muscles. My skin is pale- very much so- and tinged pink from rosacea. I am 5'5" and growing. My scar tissue is lilac- dusky rose pink.
My favorite animals are the:
Horse, Cat, Wolf, and Swan. Or, to be more specific... Shagya Arabian, lippizaner, snake, leopard, snow leopard, clouded leopard, jaguar, panther, black panther, grey wolf, mute and black swans, sapphire- winged mountain hummingbird, great black hawk, raven, crow, peregrine falcon, snowy owl and fisher's eagle.
My favorite mythological animals are: The Phoenixes, The Dragons, The non- stereotypical fiery Unicorns, and The Griffins.
My favorite songs are:
-My Immortal (the bonus hidden track)
-Lost In Paradise
-Bring Me To Life
-Taking Over Me
-I Will Not Bow
- Fade Away
-Give Me A Sign
-Anthem Of The Angels
-Into The Nothing
-One Step Closer
-Leave Out All The Rest
-In The Shadows
-Welcome To My Life
-Eyes of A Child
My favorite poems are:
Hope- Emily Dickinson
“Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all.
And sweetest - in the gale is heard -
And sore must be the storm -
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm.
I’ve heard it in the chillest land-
And on the strangest sea
Yet never- in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me."
Invictus- William Ernest Henley
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
Thornbird- Colleen McCullough
"There is a legend about a bird which sings just once in its life, more sweetly than any other creature on the face of the earth. From the moment it leaves the nest it searches for a thorn tree, and does not rest until it has found one. Then, singing among the savage branches, it impales itself upon the longest, sharpest spine. And, dying, it rises above its own agony to out carol the lark and the nightingale. One superlative song, existence the price. But the whole world stills to listen, and God in His heaven smiles. For the best is only bought at the cost of great pain… Or so says the legend."
My favorite scents are:
Crispa parsley ferns, terrichor, old books, freshly mown grass, spearmint, orchids, pine and morning dew.
My favorite tastes are:
Strawberries, boysenberries, blueberries, fresh green pepper, cream, eggs, milk chocolate, truffle, and spearmint.
My favorite weather is:
Thunderstorms, spring rains, and non- humid days with it being 50- 65 degrees out and a stiff breeze.
What I have to say about my past:
The pain I went through for all of those years has taught me many lessons I can never forget. I don't want to, in fear of it happening again if one mistake is made. I lost it all. Everything I loved and was familiar with was gone. And my pain began.
I am the once- caged permanently broken- winged bird, too stubborn and determined with too much perseverance to give up, hopping along, trying to avoid the uninjured creatures bigger than me, but standing up to them nonetheless when we meet, as if I am not weaker nor broken. I hold my head up proudly as I drag my wing along behind me. For I am stronger in my pain than those who have never known it.
My favorite quotes are:
“This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something.” -Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert
“Take pride in your pain; you are stronger than those who have none.” -Gathering Blue, Lois Lowry
“Life is pain, highness. Anyone who tells you differently is selling something.” -The Princess Bride, William Goldman
“Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists…it is real…it is possible…it’s yours.” -Atlas Shrugged, Ayn Rand
“But who can remember pain, once it’s over? All that remains of it is a shadow, not in the mind even, in the flesh. Pain marks you, but too deep to see. Out of sight, out of mind.” -The Handmaid’s Tale, Margaret Atwood
“Everything is more beautiful because we’re doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again.” -The Iliad, Homer
“You’re a bitter man,” said Candide.
“That’s because I’ve lived,” said Martin.” -Candide, Voltaire
“Only a man who has felt ultimate despair is capable of feeling ultimate bliss. It is necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.” -The Count of Monte Cristo, Alexandre Dumas
“Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise.” -Les Misérables, Victor Hugo
“If I am the phantom, it is because man’s hatred has made me so. If I am to be saved it is because your love redeems me.” -The Phantom of the Opera, Gaston Leroux
“He was like someone sleeping who woke suddenly and found the world…all the beauty of it, and the sadness too.” -My Cousin Rachel, Daphne du Maurier
“No live organism can continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of absolute reality.” -The Haunting of Hill House, Shirley Jackson
“What does that mean know me, know me, nobody ever knows anybody else, ever! You will never know me.” -The Rules of Attraction, Bret Easton Ellis
“Above, the stars shone hard and bright, sparks struck off the dark skin of the universe.” -The Stand, Stephen King
“If I am out of my mind, it’s all right with me.” -Herzog, Saul Bellow
“I can’t go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.” -Alice in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll
“This is why dreams can be such dangerous things: they smolder on like a fire does, and sometimes they consume us completely.” -Memoirs of a Geisha, Arthur Golden
“I’m sick of just liking people. I wish to God I could meet somebody I could respect.” -Franny and Zooey, J.D. Salinger
“Indifference is the sign of sickness, a sickness of the soul more contagious than any other.” -The Judges, Elie Wiesel
"The unexamined life is not worth living, for man." -Socrates
"People who are willing to give up freedom for the sake of short term security, deserve neither freedom nor security." -Benjamin Franklin
"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." -George Santayana
"Expect everything, I always say, and the unexpected never happens." - The Phantom Toll Booth
"If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?" -Alice in Wonderland
"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.” -Khalil Gibran
"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone." -Rose Kennedy
"Ignorance may be bliss, but it certainly is not freedom, except in the minds of those who prefer darkness to light and chains to liberty. The more true information we can acquire, the better for our enfranchisement." -Robert Hugh Benson, Intellectual Slavery